he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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