Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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