I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
