fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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