your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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