normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
