Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize