The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
