Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
