Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize