Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just forgot I was standing up.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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