I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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