I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
