You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Randomize
