I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
