Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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