I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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