I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
