Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
