On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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