My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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