If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
