he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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