Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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