I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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