Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
