i don't like sucking hair
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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