ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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