By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
