Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
