I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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