Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
