Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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