I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize