i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
