and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
