Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
