i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize