He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
