Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
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