Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
