so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
