Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
