I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
