**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
