Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
