I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
