Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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