I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
