I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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