I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
