I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
