She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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