I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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