The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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