I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
