8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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