I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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