i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
