my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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