I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
