You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I pour the whiskey from now on
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
