mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
