You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Pappa wants mamma naked
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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