I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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