How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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