I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
