can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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