it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
