Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
