fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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